Have you ever had that friend who flirts a little too much with you? Are things getting too serious with your “work wife”? Is work with your lab partner focusing more on anatomy than your lab work? When do you draw the line, and how do you let the other person know the line is there?

Analyze

The first thing to do is analyze the relationship you have with the offending co-worker or friend. How has the relationship changed from day one? Make a list of what makes you uncomfortable about the relationship; list everything as only you will see this list. Also, analyze your own actions. Did you do anything to make the other person think that their behavior was okay?

Plan

Plan what you want to change, taking into account the relationship you want to have with this person after all is said and done. Do you want your colleague to still have a close relationship with you, or do you want to be distant in both personal and professional aspects? You need to have a solid idea of what you want from the other person before you can make any advance.

Go for it

You need to incite the change, because things are not progressing as they should; the only question is how to do it. If the behavior is limit physical contact, the fix is easy. You just need to adjust your behavior to avoid the hugging or touching that you are feeling uncomfortable with. Position yourself with your arms crossed, behind your desk, or carry folders or books that would interfere with the uncomfortable touching. The same goes with phone calls; limit any unnecessary calls to or from the other person by screening calls occasionally or limiting conversations to work related material before you have to “go”.

If the issue is not on such a tangible level—weird stares, flirting, etc—than you can take one of two approaches. Approach one: be subtle. When you feel the person is flirting a tad too much, either re-direct them to the project at hand or hint that there is someone else who would not be happy with this flirtation (significant other, boss, etc). Or pretend not to notice their advances. Word of Warning: avoiding their advances can cause one of two reactions, either they back down or they work harder, so be wary.

If these more subtle approaches don’t work, than bring out the big guns, sit the offending party down. Make it clear that you appreciate the attention but you do not need it right now and that you would rather focus on work/school. Beware that many people will deny coming on to you when faced with the truth. Don’t take these personally, just make it clear that you don’t want a relationship at that point and leave it as that.

Be prepared for a situation that can get awkward quick, so make sure you address the problem in a non-threatening environment (i.e. at the company party is not a good idea) and stick to your guns. Good luck and feel free to contact us for advice on this sticky situation.