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| Posted in Other by Amanda Roberts on Mar 4, 2008 |
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The birds and the bees conversation is a tradition that generation after generation has followed, but research is showing that maybe it is time to retire this time honored routine. Traditionally, parents would sit their unsuspecting child down and explain the ins and outs and all the in betweens of sex and responsibility. More recently, parents have been relying on the school system to fill in the gaps that parents leave behind. The problem is most school systems teach abstinence based programs and most parents leave the sex talk to an isolated incidence when children of today need so much more.
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The 2000’s have been a sexual revolution, with more and more teens becoming sexually active earlier in life. While not a problem on its own (other countries have higher teen sex rates but lower teen pregnancy and STD rates) many US teens are not educated on the range of options out there. Many schools and sex education services rely on fear to keep teens from becoming active, feeding students incorrect information on emergency contraceptives, birth control methods, and condom failure rates. This leaves students scared to use condoms, thinking emergency contraceptives are abortions, and believing myths (ex. You can’t get pregnant standing up, in a hot tub, your first time, etc).
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The only solution to this vast information gap with our students is a two pronged approach, improving sexual education classes and increasing parental involvement. “The sex talk” should not be a onetime thing. The sex talk should begin as soon as your children can comprehend relationships, and should build the older they get. Parents should not rely on books and the internet to teach their children about love, devotion, and healthy relationships. Parents need to step in and let their children know that sex is real, it’s out there, and it’s okay when done safely. As for sexual education programs in schools, parents should speak up and ask to see the curriculum. Ask your student’s science, gym, or health teacher (as sexual education is usually covered in one of these three classes) about what is covered and ask for straight facts. On the days you child has these lessons, ask them about it and elaborate on all the fact that may have been represented wrong.
I don’t know how many teens I have met who are seventeen or eighteen years old and think there is an age requirement to buy condoms. I’ve seen teens who don’t know basic anatomy or sexual reproduction processes. Parents, educators, students, please step up and educate these teens, tweens, and children. Children become sexually active earlier and earlier, and they need your help to understand the truth about sex and love.
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I agree with you on teaching your children the birds and bees seems nowdays parents claim to be to busy to teach their children anything at all but i belive you took the time out to bring them into this world the least you can do is teach them how to live in it
Comment by Nyte — March 6, 2008 @ 3:49 pm
Well done Amanda, I applaud your comments and thoroughly endorse them. You also open up the other crucial issue, as I see it, of TIME spent with kids in the home these days, which is especially difficult where teens are concerned. The issue we are all addressing is also far more than ’sex talk’, which is ‘connected to relationships’ which is ‘connected to families’ which is ‘connected to’ LIFE.
Are we responsibly educating our children and teens for LIFE?
Unfortunately, in this age of technology where teens seem to be practising skills that do NOT strengthen ‘close up and personal’ communication (texting SMS, emailing)AND with both parents working, it is hardly surprising that they do not get many ‘informal’ opportunities to chat about sex with a parent. Sex talk never ends either, whether you’re a teen or nor! I can remember that it is through ‘informal’, drop -everything -and -talk -now chats with my own daughter that we are still close confidantes re sex/relationship matters today (she is 27,single and recently just out of a relationship)
What a pity many families no longer even share regular meals with their teens - not that this is the ideal ’sex talk time’ but is any kind of ‘quality time’ with a teenage son or daughter these days just a myth?
OK, so parents are not guidance counsellors or even have all the answers our teens need when it comes to sex (step in school programmes, books and the internet here) but even a humorous bout of parental story telling about past experiences or just LISTENING is worth its weight in gold if it nurtures ongoing, ‘close encounters’ with our teenagers.
As parents we should be encouraging our children to verbally tell us how they feel about all sorts of things, give us their opinion on ‘grown up’ topics that they may see on the TV and ask questions without fear of ‘appearing stupid’. When the time is right for age appropriate ’sex talk’ it won’t seem so difficult to just add a another ‘topic’ to the mix. The foundation has then been laid for years of coping with those teenage trials!
As I see it, parents, schools and governments have a duty of care to ensure that our children learn about feelings, love and relationships, expressing and enjoying sexuality safely and celebrating the incredible joys that raising another human being can bring. Our children and their children, have the right to reap the rewards of a truly ‘wholesome’ education. So yes, Amanda, let’s give them the TRUTH!
Comment by Carole Pemberton — March 6, 2008 @ 11:03 pm
Carole,
Thank you for taking the time to write such an eloquent comment. There is less time to spend with kids, and we need to make a change. I have always been active in school activities, so I did not see my parents very much (especially in high school). My parents realized this and started leaving important conversations for in the car. When you talk in the car you are both stuck there, you can’t go anywhere, and you have a plethora of suggestive songs on the radio to get the conversation flowing. Just try not to do it when you have your teen’s friends in the car.
Comment by Amanda Roberts — March 7, 2008 @ 5:39 am